I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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