Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
