Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
