Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
