It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
