i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
