She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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