Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
