i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
