ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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