Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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