My underwear smells like fireworks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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