Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
