ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
