im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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