Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
