singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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