Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
