I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
