filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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