Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
