My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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