he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
