I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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