you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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