benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
