nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
