my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
