Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
