everyone is single if you try hard enough
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
