I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
