I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
