writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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