We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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