New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
