Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
