I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
