yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
