So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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