I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
