i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
