I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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