Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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