I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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