I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
