so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
