it's too hot outside to masturbate.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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