woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
