There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
