You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
