And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
