; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
