she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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